This latest one is the topper (at least, so far), and we're not even into summertime yet!
Tonight, I was making my rounds at one of the gated communities in Malibu. I have to check the community's clubhouse and pool area on an hourly basis. Tonight, I made my eight o'clock rounds at the pool area. I generally check the men's and women's sauna/shower room every other hour. The first stop was to check the women's.
I knocked on the door and yelled "security" and a male voice from inside said, "come in." Huh? So I entered and found two teens in the sauna, one male and one female. Both were wearing swimsuits. I told him that he can't be in there and told him to leave. Although he complied, something told me that he'd be back inside as soon as I left. As I was walking out, I noticed he was outside watching me leave.
After completing my checks of the facilities, I left to take my lunch break. While having my lunch break near the community's laundromat, I met up with one of the general managers of the community (i.e., our client) and mentioned the incident and asked him what our parameters are in those situations. He said that those facilities are for the community and people have the reasonable expectation that they can enter them without encountering any inappropriate behavior. He told me to keep watch on the saunas and to "be a pain in the ass" to those who violate the rules. Okay with me!
After lunch, I made my nine o'clock rounds that included a check on the clubhouse and pool facilities. This time I saw a kid, about 16, sitting on a chase lounge near the sauna rooms and jacuzzi. He said nothing. So, I went into the men's sauna/shower room (in order for me to make use of the restroom part of it). I heard one of the showers on and I heard a male voice and what I thought was a young child. So, as I relieved myself, I heard mainly the male voice coming from the shower, but then the other voice became more distinctly a female one. Oh-oh! Here we go!
After I finished, I stood with my arms folded near the entry door to the men's sauna/shower room and the sinks (about six feet from the showers). Within a minute or two, both the male and female came out of one of the shower stalls in their birthday suits. They didn't notice me right off, but when they did, they scurried into separate stalls.
Although I felt like laughing, I maintained a professional demeanor and told them to get their clothes on and step outside. The girl, a blonde, came out in a bikini and the guy came out in his swimming trunks. It was obvious that something was going on as he was still in a full state of arousal and the trunks did not even begin to conceal anything. The general description in such cases is "pup tent." It is not too surprising since sixteen-year-old boys would get excited while "looking at linoleum" (as Xander once said on Buffy, The Vampire Slayer).
Outside, I questioned them and they told me their names and that they were guests of the kid that was sitting on the chase lounge. Then they told me they were both sixteen (!).
They apparently were guests of the third kid (he came forward and told me and confirmed their ages) and they didn't live at the community. I proceeded to put "the fear of God" into the shower couple's heads. I told the boy (at 16, he's still a boy) that this may possibly constitute statutory rape as the onus is generally on the male, even though they are the same age. I mentioned calling the sheriff (and they will contact their parents) if they didn't cooperate, which was received by two very audible "gulps." That did the trick!
After questioning, I told them they could leave. I then had to write an incident report and notify our company dispatcher. As my friend Jeff Horne might say (he's done so before), my incident report may read like a "PG" version of a Penthouse Forum letter.
Naturally, the gate house guard thought the incident was hilarious (well, it was). He later gave them a ride to a bus stop on Pacific Coast Highway at the end of his shift. If there was a conversation on the way to the bus stop, it might have been an interesting one.
At least I can say that working in Malibu in this "parachute" job isn't dull!
Where's your sixteen-year-old tonight?
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