Part of my job patrolling gated communities in Malibu is to cite vehicles for parking violations. These communities have narrow streets and because of that, they are not zoned for street parking. The reason for this is emergency vehicles would have difficulty getting through if people were allowed to park on the sides of the streets. So we're paid to enforce parking rules.
Around 11:00 PM tonight, I noticed three vehicles parked illegally on a small street. So I went to cite them for the violations.
The first car I came to was a silver Volkswagen Jetta. After taking the plate number down, I radioed our gate officer to see who it belonged to. The vehicle had no visible parking permits, residential or guest, displayed. The gate officer could not find any record of it in the computer or in the guest logs (every guest is logged in).
As I was writing the citation, I saw the car start to jiggle. The car had tinted windows and they were all fogged up. I heard no voices and thought maybe a dog was inside. But the vehicle moved too much for a dog, so I said, "If anyone's in there, better come out immediately or have the vehicle towed." I got no response, then I radioed our gate again about seeing the car moving.
Just then, the owner of one of the other vehicles came out of the house (there was a party going on inside) that the Jetta was parked in front of and asked if I was going to also cite his car. I told him yes, if he doesn't move it. He said that his friend is in the Jetta with his girlfriend and today's his friend's birthday and this is "a momentous occasion for them." Then, he said something to the occupants of the Jetta and opened the driver's side rear door. When the door opened, the interior light came on and, inside, were his friend and girlfriend. They appeared to be college age. They were both nude, with her on top of him. They were partly in the back seat area and trunk area (the rear seats were folded down). They were pretty much scrunched in. This amounted to having sex in an overturned telephone booth.
I said to the guy that he needs to get out, but put something on first, and move the car. He got out nude, a bit irate and said, "Well, you wanted me to come out!" I replied, "Yeah, I also said to put something on first!"
The general manager of the community had told me to be a "pain in the ass" to people who act inappropriately at the pool and sauna areas along with the other areas of the community (this was when I caught the two sixteen-year-olds having sex in the men's shower room).
It was a bizarre scene with the guy of the second car, the naked male and me standing in the street talking. Then, his friend and I started joking about whether I should cite him, etc. given his unusual attire, or lack thereof. We joked that since today's his birthday, he is wearing appropriate attire: his birthday suit.
Finally, I said I won't cite the vehicle if he moved it to a guest parking spot. This he agreed to do and proceeded to get dressed. His girlfriend remained in the car. Why they chose that spot to fool around instead of the nearby beach is beyond me.
A few minutes later, after both the formerly naked guy and his friend went into the house, the girlfriend came out of the car all dressed. She had a sheepish look on her face and said, "I am really embarrassed! I've never been caught like this before!" (There's a first time for everything, I thought.) I asked her, "You are over 18, right?" She said yes. I considered asking her if it was comfortable all squeezed up like that, but thought better of it.
Just when I begin to think I've "seen it all," something comes along to dispel that notion!
Oh, yes. I did wish the guy in the Jetta "Happy Birthday."
Above, "Creature From The Black Lagoon" star Julie Adams and Armand in 2009.
